Thursday, August 2, 2012

Day 106, 2012 From the “I don’t feel like it” character to the “I can’t stop character”


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the “I don’t feel like it” character which diverts me from re-creating myself moment-by-moment by breathing here and stepping out of my programmed, automated behavioural patterns but instead I allow myself to engage in diverting activities, and spiral into more patterned behaviour finally ending up with the “I can’t stop” character. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the negative feeling that came up as a flag to let me know that I am about to accept the “I don’t feel like it” character because I did not realise that I had accepted this negative feeling to be me instead of realising that I am here in breath and the ‘me’ that is Self is always here to direct me as Self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let myself be directed by the “I don’t feel like it” character because I am addicted to the emotions and feelings I produce as a result of my life experience and my programs that I allow myself to be, which are in essence the pendulum that swings from negative to positive states of being that I have created and configured to in fear of survival in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been proud of my life experience not realising that my life is a series of episodes, of characters that have run my life like a puppet on a string. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when we turn around and do that what we do to ourselves to animals - these acts produce the same result for all to see: caged animals have nothing left to do but to pace back and forth in their cage, which is exactly what we have done to ourselves by caging our lives bouncing off the walls of this cage: the negative and positive emotions and feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never given myself permission to no longer utlise feelings and emotions and to set myself free from the cage of emotions and feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of bringing myself here in every moment and dropping the feelings and emotions, I step into the continuation of the next character, the “I can’t stop” character, because I have given into the negative feeling and diverted myself with an activity that I have programmed myself to experience as positive release in response to the “I don’t feel like it” character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the experience the positive feeling not realising that this positive feeling and the activity that I do in this moment is an addiction within the addiction all based on emotions and feelings, and in that I realise that I must take my power back as self and stop the “I don’t feel like it” character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the “I don’t feel like it” character comes into being via the best excuses that I formulate for myself and in that I must realise that all that I do that is not planned for the day - can be attributed to the mind and is not self-directed. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I ‘steal’ myself time and breath by following the “I don’t feel like it” character. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I always have the possibility to push myself into the here, and that this is the solution and my focus, while  I stop all regret about the times when I failed to push myself - ready to push myself the next time. 
I commit myself to stop all urges to give into the “I don’t feel like it” character, meaning I stop myself from following along with my negative feelings.
I commit myself to strive for 100% application of myself to not become the “I don’t feel like it” character but when I have entered into this character I wake myself up and stop immediately so that I do not end up with the “I can’t stop’ character. 

I commit myself to make myself aware to take the symbolism of the reality we live in literal because that is the actual reality - in simplicity. 

I commit myself to look at anything that is not of my schedule/plan for the day, and to investigate these areas so that I stop self-sabotage and manipulation. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when the " I don't feel" character comes on - and thus train myself to breathe in awareness via self-direction. 

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