Monday, July 23, 2012

Day 97, 2012 I dream and fear losing my mind

I have a reoccurring dream. For the second time around I dreamed that I lost all of my cards of identification, access to money, as well as passports, permits, and had nothing left to identify who I am. I realise that this is my mind fearing death. In both dreams I don't know how it happens and in both dreams I do not stand up but succumb to emotions of fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing all labels and all ways to identify myself in the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing all access to money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing all access to countries.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my mind. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this dream is giving me an opportunity to stand up in my dream as Self and to make the decision to breathe here and to stop all emotions concerning no longer having a label or way to identify myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to know in the dream how it happened, how I got to the point of losing all labels and access points to the system, when I know that this is just a distraction because to know the "how" keeps me confined and avoids me looking beyond to look at the "who" I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not having been able to stand up in the dream and stop all emotions and within that I must realise, in self-honesty, that this dream is a reflection of my waking hours and where I fail to stand up. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I must push myself past the point of resistance when I allow my mind chatter/ego to hold on to the programs, I do not allow myself to walk out of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this is all in the decision of who I am, what I allow myself to be at any moment and in any situation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be aware of my emotions within the dream as in real life but to not move beyond the threshold, the point of awareness, which I experience time and again. 

I commit myself to stop the fear of losing my mind, and realise that I am essentially fearless and that my mind is just programs which I allow to "run" my life. 

I commit myself to no longer get caught in the "how"- to stop keeping me trapped in my self-spun web, but to move past that and focus on who I am within the situation. 

I commit myself to stick to my decision of who I am. 

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