Friday, July 20, 2012

Day 94, 2012 My character who plays through "silent, angry" treatment

Today, in a small dressing room a girl sprayed her deodorant all over the room where it became difficult to breathe for all in the room. Instead of telling her to stop and consider others, I engaged in big gestures that demonstrated how appalled I was by her spraying the room. I moved my stuff away from her and covered my mouth and nose. I then left the room in an angry manner. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the “silent angry” character, where I won’t communicate with another about something that bothers me, initiated by the other person, and instead of gently bringing it to the attention of the other person, I act out my anger silently through body movements and gestures to demonstrate how angry I am about the situation, so to try and make the other feel guilty for their actions. 
I commit myself to become aware of how my actions affect existence as participant in this world system and realise that this point is here as me to create an opportunity to change myself and communicate, realising that we must do onto others as we want done upon ourselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself instead of communicating with another person about what I find unacceptable because I see the other person as separate from me.
I commit myself to stop suppression of anger emotions, and so stop self-abuse against my physical body - and within that I commit myself to stop my fear of others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the “silent angry” character when I perceive a weakness on my end in regards to the person I am dealing with, where I believe that I must be in a superior position to make a statement about what I am experiencing so as to assure myself that I have done what I can to drive the point "home",  and therefore justify my approach to apply the “silent” treatment, because I believe that I am less vulnerable than I perceive myself to already be.
I commit myself to stop the game of superiority/inferiority and realise that because I compare myself to others based on what I perceive as another person’s attribute to be in relations to mine, that I allow myself to engage from the starting point of superiority/inferiority and therefore justify my emotions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I get possessed by the “silent angry” character where I go into automatic pilot, not realising that I have programmed myself in this way and that I must take responsibility for this character. 
I commit myself to stop all possessions, by recognising them for what they are: automatic, self-programmed behaviour based on memories, and slow myself down so that I can perceive the onset of the thought that I allow to exist as me which leads to backchat and possession behaviour. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I separate myself from the other person when I become the angry character who acts without words and within this situation I listen and believe my backchat to justify myself.
I commit myself to push through stoping my backchat when I have missed the inital thought that seeded the “silently angry” character and take responsibility to speak or write self-forgiveness asap to stop myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I create ambiguous, disjunct, manipulative communication in this way, led by my mind not by Self, with the result that the other may never have a chance to revise their behaviour once they understand how it affects another - thus, through my behaviour I deprive myself and the other from creating a situation that is best for all.
I commit myself to stop my selfishness in all ways which starts with stopping all characters one by one so that I stand clear and realise that without stopping self-interest I become the obstacle of change in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge another for not being considered towards others which I do just the same by becoming possessed as the “silently angry” character. 
I commit myself to see myself in others ALL of the time and push through the resistance and understand that ALL resistance is an indicator for me to investigate my behaviour/thinking through writing. 


Post a Comment

Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger