Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Day 91, 2012 The character that I play when I share food in my agreement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been dishonest about our daily sharing of food where I have always cheated when it comes to dividing the food into two equal parts. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have stopped myself from seeking an advantage when I am dividing the food up, we have cooked as our evening meal. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not able to create two equal portions of food without considering which portion has more of something that I want more of than the portion that goes to my partner.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel most comfortable when I deliberately take a smaller portion because the moment I consider making the portion equal I want more of what I like best and am willing to cheat on my partner's share.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be more comfortable with taking a smaller portion because I always saw my mother taking a smaller portion of food than the rest of the family.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself by having reacted to my own reaction about dividing food up in equal parts because I have never seen this part of me in previous food sharing situations. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the portion with the bigger piece/heap of something that I'd like more of, without telling my partner, and subsequently feel guilty about it and offer it back to him, not telling him why I am offering the food.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to divide up the food after I have cooked so that I do not have to deal with this point of having to share equally. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise in order for me to have this point I must compare the portions of food and thus I exist within comparison and am not here as breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have compared my portion of food to that of my brother when we were kids, and for having been jealous of him because he would get more of something that I wanted because he is male.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been wanting more of what my brother got more of so that I can exist in comparison and jealousy, not realising that without the point of comparison I did not want any of it. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within where I am competing when getting 'special' food e.g. birthdays and holidays - always comparing my share to that of my brother and trying to manipulate to get more. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of competing when getting 'special' food e.g. birthdays and holidays - always comparing my share to that of my brother and trying to manipulate to get more. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define recognition, love, and appreciation within the memory where I am competing when getting special foods, e.g. birthdays and holidays  - always comparing my share to that of my brother and trying to manipulate to get more. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from recognition, love, and appreciation through defining recognition, love, and appreciation within the memory where I am competing when getting special foods, e.g. birthdays and holidays - always comparing my share to that of my brother and trying to manipulate to get more, in separation of myself. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that recognition, love and appreciation are here as me equal and one, in every breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted this dishonesty and not confronted myself within it - every day when sharing food and even when I am not the one dividing the food up I still compare my portion to that of my partner's. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the only way to stop this behaviour is to confront myself with it and face the point in self-forgiveness and walk the self-corrective application.


I commit myself to take this point of 'sharing food' seriously and realise that it is the menial points that add up to my automated behaviour.


I commit myself to stop inequality to food sharing and apply myself in sharing from the point of self-honesty and to stand equal to my 'hunger'/physical needs and stop thinking about sharing. 


I commit myself to stop any involvement of my mind when it comes to eating, food sharing, or food preparation. 


I commit myself to teach myself to share equally and stop oscillating between less/more and to realise that this behaviour is not caused by physical needs but because I allow my ego to be in control.


I commit myself to respect sharing food as a self-willed action.


I commit myself to investigate what constitutes appetite in relation to providing food for my body so that I understand what is truly a physical, bodily request, and what is influenced by mental self-programmed reactions to food/eating/nurturing.


I commit myself to focus on the every day 'ways'/programs of living and to uncover all patterns I have allowed myself to exit as.





1 comments:

  1. Awesome exposure here! I've seen this exact character in myself. Grateful you're bringing it to the surface.

    ReplyDelete

 
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