Monday, July 16, 2012

Day 89, 2012 Oh, that's so beautiful!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I desire to create beauty in the world without having a grasp on what beauty represents as life. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that all that is aesthetic and artistic is intrinsically good without ever looking further at the consequences involved in the process of production and/or the underlying thoughts that contribute to the evaluation of beauty.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have sacrificed life for the momentary pleasure of beauty not realising that real beauty cannot be contained or limited to my perceptions or the picture I create. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have hid behind ideas of beauty to cover up my anxieties and fears by "painting" a beautiful picture of myself and the world I live in - a picture that is deliberately disconnected from the exploitation and suffering that surrounds me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have justified the search for beauty in my life by making moral judgements in self-righteous behaviour, for example when I became a vegetarian, where I believed that my actions were better than those of others because I pretended to care about the animals in the world. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have deluded myself to believe that I could step out of the realm of abuse by exempting myself from the consumption of certain products not realising that I can not escape consumption and that all consumption is abusive in nature. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never lifted the curtain of beauty and seen the ugly and deceptive side of beauty through the abuse that affects all life - and that all life suffers the consequences of my and everyone else's pursuit of beauty. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lived the dishonesty of beauty, similar to the dishonesty of morality - where I judged others on a "beauty index" in behaviour and picture projection as I judged/hated myself self because I did not match the desired picture of my mind. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have subjected myself to beauty treatments and struggle to accept the  physicality as me - where I look at myself through the "normed"  standard of beauty that society dictates through the media channels and I accept and allow myself to exist as. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have made choices based on what I believe to be beautiful instead of choosing to support what is best for all life. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have abdicated my responsibility towards all life because I only cared about creating beauty from the starting point of self-interest.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my addiction to beauty is equal to any other addiction no matter the object of desire - because the bottom line of addiction is abuse and suffering and separation from the physical world. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge all that is around me within the polarisation of beauty.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a culture of beauty in form of symbolic shapes that range from buildings/architecture to art/designer/objects, which I/we use to keep me/us enslaved in the mind, in separation from life.  


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be drawn to beauty and succumb to colours and sounds that I consider beautiful and which constitutes my preferences in how I choose to identify myself not realising that if I must judge than I discriminate life to establish these preferences.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that beauty is like opinions based on the "i" of the beholder, the memories and experiences of my past. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the addiction to beauty justifies ownership, to collect and hoard and surround myself with beauty to cover up the ugly reality of what I allow to exist in the world as me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted beautification, the modification of my environment and myself, never to consider that I act from superiority to do so by imposing my ideas on beings that share my physical reality. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to derive energetic highs from looking at and comparing colour compositions and geometric shapes.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to not realise that beauty is not simply making beautiful choices - but that each choice disguises "how" life is abandoned, rejected and abused to which I remain ignorant  because of my privileged position- whether that is choosing a piece of clothing produced in a sweatshop or the manicuring of a garden affecting the habitat of many other beings. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that as long as the concept of beauty exits as "guidance" to our lives we exist in separation through judgement, comparison, and competition. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created aversions to others because I consider them ugly, as I have created aversions to myself, to parts of my being that I consider ugly. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my addiction to beauty is just like any other addiction where I am unable to exist here with what is here in the world but try to match the world to the picture in my head.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to age because old-age is not a beautiful picture. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the striving to be the "standard" beauty is to separate myself from life because the anything standardised is a concept of the mind and will always undermine life. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for having spend my time making "something" beautiful instead of contributing to equality and stopping my mind. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have automated my behaviour where I follow the mind in wanting to partake in the visual consumption of the something/someone beautiful. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I look into the mirror by "standards of beauty" where I do not accept myself when I do not pass my own judgement/evaluation. 


I commit myself to end perception of the world through the filter of beauty.


I commit myself to end the intellectualisation of beauty through concepts of aesthetics. 


I commit myself to end and delete ideas of beauty attached to memories and embedded in culture.


I commit myself to stop judging myself and others on standards of beauty whether that is in behaviour or in the picture they/I represent. 


I commit myself to stop acting from superiority where I invade, indulge myself in beautification  of the environment.


I commit myself to stop all processes of evaluation of physical beauty. 


I commit myself to stop all justifications of beauty and end the abusive nature of all beauty. 


I commit myself to stand one and equal to all that is here and stop preferences, wants and desires to bring about a world that is best for all. 



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