Thursday, July 12, 2012

Day 85, 2012 My "inventor" character


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the character who desires to invent technological artefacts and watch other people interact with it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience an energetic “high” which I get when I invent something technological for others - it’s like a thrill that I can “engineer” other people’s behaviour via a technological tool. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "feel" the world is ok when I have a creative project in which I can "loose" myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this thrill that I am experiencing when I invent something is based on the control I experience “over” others - as they do what I propose them to do. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this type of "study of humans" is just as abusive as humans studying animals because it has the same starting point of separation and superiority. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy remaining in the observer space, in obscurity, where I can watch others without them knowing much about me, which is in essence what the concept of god is all about - thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to play god. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself with curiosity when I invent something instead of being here and breathing and creating as me here in the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am feeding my ego through satisfying my curiosity to see how others interact with my creations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider inventing artefacts as a way to “underhandedly” manipulate others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fascinated by archetypes that are portayed with a hidden power of which no one knows because it is a place of superiority where others are left guessing. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I am curious of how others react to my creations it is because I want to experience myself “reacting” to the world through what I observe in others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have limited my social interaction with others because I fear others and thus to do it through an invention I am save from others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to use technological artefacts as a proxy to human social interaction instead of interacting with others as my self in physical form where I have to face my fears and limitations within my interactions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be equal to all structures in the world but to admire that which is of the structural physical world, which allows humans and other beings to experience themselves in spatiality, in three-dimensionality, and thus I do not realise that I have created a relationship with substance, as all around me is alive, where I experience myself as inferior. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that inventions are a way of selling myself but instead of selling myself directly, I use an artefact to do - as all selling is based on survival, I realise that I like to invent for recognition so as to assure my survival in the world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I like to invent objects/artefacts because I had to grow up fast and did not play for a long time as a child, and thus now I am free to play, which is what I desire to do when I invent interactive products. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that play must be a major endeavour where I am must create a serious artefact because otherwise it is not worth my time instead of playing like a child where only the process of play 'matters' and not the outcome. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that whatever I invent I do so in collaboration with others as all creative output is social, and that this gives me a reason to interact with others and focus our attention on the work at hand instead of on each other - which is a save place for me.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that “inventing” no matter what, is a form of consumerism to make myself feel more/better/higher in some way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not invent as me as the creative expression that I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used thinking for inventing instead of inventing/creating as me from the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself in emotional states during the process of inventing an artefact because I worry about the outcome of the creation. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my creation through energetic charges and through beliefs which I use to trap myself and others within the mindconsiousness system. 
I commit myself to stop and delete the character I play who invents techno-tools-artefacts.
I commit myself to learn to create as me as self in the physical. 
I commit myself to stop creating/inventing any techno-tool-artefact from the starting point that it can function as a proxy for me regarding facing myself in the presence of others.
I commit myself to stop creating/inventing any techno-tool-artefact from the starting point of feeding my ego through delusion of control and recognition, and providing me with polarised energetic charges
I commit myself to stop the “desire” of creation and just create as expression. 
I commit myself to stop “thinking” about my creations, and stop judging the creative process or the product.
I commit myself to equalise myself to all that is structural in the world and thus to equalise myself to substance. 

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