Saturday, July 7, 2012

Day 81, 2012 My "things are not too bad" character and what I want in the picture of me - part 7

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created and participated in the character who thinks and acts from the starting point "things are not too bad" to suppress and undermine change of self. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my father who gestures with his hand and says with a haughty voice that "that's not so bad" in response to me coming to him as a small child for help, exist within me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my father who gestures with his hand and says with a haughty voice that "that's not so bad" in response to me coming to him as a small child for help.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define optimism, staying "cool", calmness, "positive thinking", and "peaceful existence" within the memory of my father who gestures with his hand and says with a haughty voice "that's not so bad" in response to me coming to him as a small child for help.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from optimism, staying "cool",  calmness, "positive thinking" and "peaceful existence" through defining optimism, staying "cool", calmness, "positive thinking" and "peaceful existence" within a memory of my father who gestures with his hand and says with a haughty voice "that's not so bad" in response to me coming to him as a small child for help, in separation of myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that optimism, staying "cool", calmness, "positive thinking" and "peaceful thinking" are here as me equal and one in every breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the memory of my father telling me "that's not so bad" experience myself in anger because my father does not acknowledge the severity of my experience. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the "things are not too bad" character to suppress my reality instead of facing it, by finding another more positive angle on what is happening, and by learning to endure the situation. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to endure my life and reality is not facing my reality and to act towards myself in self-abuse.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to endure my life and reality is not taking responsibility for it, and to not make changes so that the my reality is best for all, and thus stop all self-abuse. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother angrily telling me that I must endure things and that is part of life, exist within me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my mother angrily telling me that I must endure things and that is part of life. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define strength, will, self-reliance, being unbeatable, and perseverance within the memory of my mother angrily telling me that I must endure things and that is part of life.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from strength, will, self-reliance, being unbeatable, and perseverance through defining strength, will, self-reliance, being unbeatable and perseverance  within a memory of my mother telling me angrily that I must endure things and that is part of life. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that strength, will, self-reliance, being unbeatable, and perseverance are here as me equal and one in every breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life today to difficult situations in the past that I have lived through, to calm myself down and stimulate myself with hopeful thoughts,  because I reason that if I got out of the previous difficult situations then I can do it today.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being stoic is a desirable virtue, and have admired my godmother for her stoic ways. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use comparison within my own life to suppress myself and endure the situation instead of looking at it in self-honesty. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that calming myself down is self-abuse because what I create are compounded emotions that are lodged in my body and this results in manifested consequences. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to judge my situation within good/positive/right and bad/negative/wrong is to move from one polarisation to the next and keep oscillate between the two poles, trapping myself. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I talk to others about my "difficult" situation - I am looking for the same "calming" down effect, for some statement that I can latch onto which allows me to feel better and to continue in the same manner. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that consoling myself is part of the social system where we console others in their misery never showing or assisting others or ourselves in ways that lead out of the mindfuck and the self-imposed limitation - but to perpetuate the limitations and denial in how we live this life. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this economic system we have accepted is promoting "positive thinking" as a remedy for momentary emotional fixes so that we go on sleeping never actually making any changes to create a system that is best for all.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that endurance of hardship is a religious concept - across all religions-  which has been hailed and praised by all as worthwhile achievement.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mask my own attachment to ego "confirmations" such as status, reputation as well as desire with the "things are not too bad" character. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the "things are not too bad" character works like a drug in that this character "jumps in" to numb me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I "get over" a rough patch, or that "I am having a bad day" and that by playing my situation down, I can hide from what is really going on within me and avoid exposure of my emotions.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not direct myself instead of taking on the "things are not too bad" character. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed to expose my emotions because I do not want to be seen as weak and helpless. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my ego by desiring to be strong and calm. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admire others who are strong and have been through a lot in their lives - and look for ways in how they have done it. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have an advantage in social situations when I do not display my emotional states. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have worked in environments where the display of emotions was counter productive and thus I have programmed myself to better suppress my emotions. 




I realise that I can end the "things are not too bad" character in one breath, and stand equal and one to all the situation I face within my life and utilise what is here to make changes. 


I commit myself to stop suppression using the "things are not too bad" character or any other character whose signature is suppression and withholding myself from myself. 


I commit myself to stop all memories and delete them in relation to the "things are not too bad" character.


I commit myself to take self-responsibility instead of resorting to the "things are not too bad" character and direct myself in my world so that it is best for all.


I commit to stop all comparison between my life then and my life today to be used to calm myself down


I commit myself to stop judging my experiences within polarisation and to keep myself entrapped in emotional poles. 


I commit myself to stop all ideas on enduring anything and direct myself within my world so that it is best for all. 


I commit myself stop all self-abuse and denial in my life and walk each point in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. 


I commit myself to expose my ego to myself and stop all ego traps. 


I commit myself to stop all judgement of emotions and take them as indicator where I must apply myself fully in walking in self-forigveness and self-corrective application. 





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