Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 80, 2012 My "I am so shy" character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play a character that hides behind shyness when shyness is a mechanisms to maintain judgement, greed, and superiority.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to maintain the character that is based on judgement: about myself, others as myself, and the world - by literally hiding behind the picture that I believe myself to be.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother's character stating "what will the neighbours think" to exist within me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my mother's character stating "what will the neighbours think".


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define appearance, success, reputation and friendliness within the memory of my mother's character stating "what will the neighbours think".


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from appearance, success, reputation and friendliness through defining appearance, success, reputation, and friendliness within the memory of my mother's character stating "what will the neighbours think", in separation of myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that appearance, success, reputation, and friendliness are here with me equal and one in every moment of breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recall my mother's character making a 180 degree adjustments when communicating with me in anger, and then, suddenly switching to communicate with someone other than a family member, in a nice and friendly manner. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother making a 180 degree adjustment when communicating with me in anger, and then, suddenly, switching to communicate with someone other than a family member, in a nice and friendly manner. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dishonesty, abuse, rejection, disbelief and hiding within the memory of my mother making a 180 degree adjustment when communicating with me in anger, and then, suddenly switching to communicate with someone other than a family member, in a nice and friendly manner.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from dishonesty, abuse, rejection, disbelief and hiding through defining dishonesty, rejection, disbelief and hiding within the memory of my mother making a 180 degree adjustment when communicating with me in anger, and then, suddenly, switching to communicate with someone other than a family member, in a nice and friendly manner.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that honesty, abuse, rejection, disbelief and hiding are here with me equal and one in every moment of breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recall my mother's character "looking me over" before I step out of the door to be sure "I make a good impression on the world"


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to be a character that believes that the way I look when I step out of my parents' house means that this is how represent my family or 'herkunft', literally 'there from which I depart', in and to the world.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to play a character that believes that the way I look when I am moving in the world, is my responsibility to my parents and the lineage of my ancestors. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to be a character that hides by being a picture in the world because I fear not representing myself (my ancestors) adequately in word and image.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother's character observing and judging our neighbours for the way they look and how they behave exist within me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand by in moments when I listened to my mother's character judging others, angry and helpless - yet wordless, because I fear my mother's character latching out on me because I do not agree with her. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have suppressed anger about my mother's character judging others and have thus programmed myself to judge myself and others, in much of the same way.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have suppressed anger about my mother's character judging others and thus have programmed myself to be a character who judges myself and others, and regret that in the moment where I realise that "I don't know what to say and do here" I do not stop programming myself as a character that judges myself and others. 




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of my mother's character standing by the window and observing and judging the neighbours for the way they behave and the way they look. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define confusion, separation, hate, violence, aggression, evilness and disgust within the memory of my mother's character standing by the window and observing and judging the neighbours for the way they behave and the way they look. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from confusion, separation, hate, violence, aggression, evilness and disgust through defining confusion, separation, hate, violence, aggression, evilness, and disgust within a memory of my mother's character standing by the window and observing and judging the neighbours for the way they behave and the way they look, in separation of myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother's character stating to me "you look like a whore" me as a teenager in response to me putting make up on my face exist within.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto to a memory of my mother's character stating to me "you look like a whore" in response to me as a teenager putting make up on my face. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define rejection, worthlessness, and inferiority within the memory of my mother stating to me "you look like a whore" in response to me as a teenager putting make up on my face. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from rejection, worthlessness, and inferiority through defining rejection, worthlessness, and inferiority within the memory of my mother's character stating to me "you look like a whore" in response to me as a teenager putting make up on my face. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that rejection, worthlessness, and inferiority are here with me equal and one in every breath.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of myself complaining about my parents' behaviour to my aunt as a child and my aunt stating " they don't mean it that way" exist within me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of myself complaining about my parents' behaviour to my aunt as a child and my aunt stating "they don't mean it that way".


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define approval, disbelief, defensiveness and victimisation within the memory of me complaining about my parents' behaviour to my aunt as a child and my aunt stating "they don't mean it that way".


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from approval, disbelief, defensiveness and victimisation through defining approval, disbelief, defensiveness and victimisation within the memory of me complaining about my parents' behaviour to my aunt as a child and my aunt stating "they don't mean it that way", in separation of myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that disbelief, defensiveness, and victimisation are here with me equal and one in every breath. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimise myself as the character who believes that "I am so shy" 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I step out of the character "I am so shy" I will be punished in some way.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the character "I am so shy" saves me from my parents and the world. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who is afraid of failure. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who does not "need" anyone.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who judges others from a superior viewpoint. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who depends on the picture that I project into the world, and who focusses on the responses of the world to the picture to modify, adjust, alter or hide even better as the picture. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who has no self-trust. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who escapes by hiding from self and others. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who excuses to change myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who only wants to stand out of the crowd for good/positive/right things and wants to blend in otherwise.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who is too lazy to direct self. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who holds back on self-expression and suppresses creativity. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I as the character "I am so shy" is acting in greed because I do not share myself with others and exist in separation, yet I desire others to share themselves with me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who sees the world in good/right/positive or bad/wrong/negative.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who holds back from NOT being shy, and thus is afraid to get trapped in my interactions with other characters.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who holds back from NOT being shy, and thus regrets being trapped in my interactions with other characters. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who holds back from NOT being shy, and thus fears responding out of character when interacting with others. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the character "I am so shy" who desires to be NOT shy and be able to interact with others without fears and limitations. 


I realise that I exist as this character because of my acceptances and allowances. 


I realise that I can stop the character "I am so shy" in one breath. 


I stop acting as the character "I am so shy". I do not accept the character "I am so shy" as me in any way.


I commit myself to investigate and delete all memories, attributes and thoughts in relation to the character "I am so shy" as I commit myself to delete all other characters I believe myself to be in this life. 


I commit myself to establish a world that is free of characters where all are here as life, equal and one. 









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