Monday, July 2, 2012

Day 74, 2012 The character I am who reacts when watching movies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to identify with ALL that happens on the movie screen, or TV, when I sit and watch a movie.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can't watch violent movies because I can't separate myself from what happens on the screen and remain here.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have, as a child, run out of the room when I was watching violent pictures on the TV that I did not want to see.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child,  used my fear to play a game with myself where I automatically reacted to violence on the TV, and then hid myself from watching but at the same time were curious enough to watch a little bit because I wanted to stay close to the plot. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recall my parents making decisions for me, in what I was allowed to watch on the TV based on the degree of violence. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recall that as a child I did many things to gain my parents "love" and approval  and thus I programmed myself to react to movies/TV images with fear, to validate how my parent's were raising me and to show them that I was a "good" child. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the character that is too sensitive for watching violent movies. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sick of the character I play who is afraid of violence in movies, yet I create another character that wants to be a "tough guy".


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed for my "weakness" of reacting to movies in an automated manner. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I watch a movie and I react to anything on the screen I am not breathing here. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that not watching violence in movies does not protect me from this evil world, which is where this programming started, somewhere in my childhood, as a protection mechanism and subsequently my perception of myself as being a "good" person. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be delusional about being good or bad as a person not realising that all I am is a bunch of characters with tailored personality suits.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to confirm my separation from this world through the reaction I experience when I am watching violence in movies. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to react to violence in movies because the character I play then is one that wants protection and be taken care of by other people. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use movies to not take responsibility for my automated reactions because I believe that I can't help it because it has been like this as long as I can remember. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have kept fear as convenience in my life so that I can hide behind it and not change. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my physical form because I have perpetuated fear of violence in movies throughout my life, never taking responsibility for it.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am sensitive and thus I cannot bare the harsh truth of this reality, as it is depicted in movies and graphic images in the news.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use fear to make myself feel superior because I believe that I can't watch violence in movies therefore I can never be a violent person, and thus I am better than most people.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid watching movies with violence because I do not want to face this automated part of myself, where I react to violence and suspension in movies.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created another character who is in conflict with the character that cannot watch violence in movies.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish I was tough and unemotional when I am confronted with violence whether in movies or in real life, which is the polarisation of my fearful character, who does not want to deal with violence, conflict or "disharmony" in any form. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when watching movies. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not remain in breath when being shown a bunch of pictures, regardless what goes on in the picture. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to react to violence in movies and on TV because this way I was able to excuse myself from sharing the living room with my parents - and thus I did not have to listen to my parents conversations and conflicts. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to react to violence in movies and on TV because this way I was able to excuse myself from sharing the living room with my parents and could separate myself from my parents and their ongoing dominance over me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that reacting to violence in movies or in life is a weakness. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a polarised dynamic between characters that are weak and others that are strong, in how I exist in this world. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist watching violent movies and practice self-forgiveness because I believe that I have more and better topics to deal with than violence in movies and on TV.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that violence on TV and in movies, and testing my reactions to them, is a perfect platform to understand how I have automated fear as my physical body.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise the multidimensionality of fear and how it abuses my physical body. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to want to stop my "sensitivity" towards pictures, whether violent or romantic, and in having this desire I create another character. 


I commit myself to delete the memories that I use to establish myself in character.


I commit myself to stop all reactions to movies/TV, regardless of the content of the picture that I am seeing. 


I commit myself to walk out of my characters and not create new ones.


I commit myself to self-forgive the characters I have created as myself and be here in breath, as I walk the self-corrective application.






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