Tuesday, July 31, 2012

104, 2012 My character, the lecturer


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that the information and knowledge I am lecturing to others has been handed down to me, yet I believe that in my research I in fact create new information and knowledge when all I do is find the "holes" or "gaps" in existing knowledge never breaking lose from the existing ideologies, paradigms, and fundamental belief systems - merely reworking what is already there and supporting the endless fragmentation of ourselves by finding ever new ways to separate the knowledge and information, in total oblivion of what we are doing to ourselves and this existence. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that when lecturing at university I am selling information and knowledge, like any sales person, and have applied the same deception and manipulation techniques as it is done in sales to make money because lecturing and teaching is essentially about making money and not about education. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that knowledge and information is special as it is the basis of culture and society and therefore have stood as inferior to culture and society, never questioning the role of education in creating the system in all its facets: economic, parenting, food and goods production, scientific research, infrastructure, entertainment and health care - in what we live today where abuse, conflict, greed and ignorance reigns.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never taken responsibility for educating young adults to function as members of society who do not take responsibility for what we have created collectively but have indoctrinated the younger generation to share the same starting point of self-interest and fear of survival.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that culture and society is the outcome of evolution which cannot be changed and have never questioned the role of the human in this evolution because the foundation of all ideas on evolution accept the premise that there is a god or some higher entity which is responsible for us, and that the very survival of our species is the result of “survival of the fittest” - which is how we justify our claim as the most intelligent species on the planet because we have enslaved all other species, as an indication that we are the fittest of them all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have justified our educational system as part of the evolution towards wealth, comfort and well-being whereby I have never considered that more than half of the world lives on the brink of survival, and have never looked at the reasons for that in common sense, to see my part in the creation of this situation but buried my head in knowledge and information believing that with more knowledge, technology and economic wealth that some day those people will also have a better life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never taught as equal but taught in competition with digital culture entertainment representations because I applied myself to make the material that I am teaching and lecturing enticing as energetic decoy to capture the students’ attention because I saw it as the necessity ‘to do all in my power’ to motivate the students to obtain good grades.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be equal to the information and knowledge that I am lecturing to students but to have many times considered it useless and superfluous - in my secret mind - and have manipulated myself to be a good performer during the lecture because I want to keep my job so that I can survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been blind to the fact that wanting to be a good teacher means that I endorse the system and all its abuse and from the starting point of self-interest because under the guise of wanting to be a good teacher I satisfied my ego and justified the means necessary to reach this goal. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself in emotional distress because I experienced lecturing/teaching as a nuisance as I realised that students and I were mutually enslaved through the teaching and assessing dynamic - where I would teach the same material time and again and marking the same assignments time and again - both lecturer and student trapped in this cycle to only fulfil the ideas of education without any real education that would change the world to be a better place for all.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself as helpless because I realised that lecturing/teaching is all about bending others to my will, whereby my will is the will of the system, as I have taken my place in the pecking order, which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and have become an executioner of this system when teaching the younger generations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced myself in anger when students did not bend to my will and fulfilled my expectations - which is evidence of dishonesty that I do not care about my students’ learning but about my reputation as a lecturer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with attributes of the lecturer character, to be articulate, intelligent, objective, knowledgable, presentable, pleasant, friendly, charming, accessible, inquisitive, caring, motivating, encouraging, fair, eloquent, appropriate, concerned, understanding, attentive, responsible, reasonable, open-minded, forward-thinking, creative, efficacious, disciplined, hard-working, self-less, reflecting, ethical, morally sound, cautious, careful, diligent, accomplished, curious, specialised, a didactical speaker, an unbiased listener, and a role-model.
I commit myself to stop programming myself as the lecturer character and realise that I can let go of all beliefs what a lecturer must be, as well as all fears of not being what a lecturer should be as defined by society, because I realise that this is not who I am but a personality suit that I have put on, with a multitude of characters, as that is what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be, so that we continue to perpetuate the system we have created. 
I commit myself to investigate all emotional charges I have accumulated around lecturing and presenting of information and knowledge and to identify my ego mechanisms through self-forgiveness and walk the self-corrective application.  
I commit myself to stand as an equal to the information and knowledge as well as all the students that I encounter as part of my position in the system. 
I commit myself to accept for the time being that I must teach from the point of the system but in that I realise that it is about who I am when I lecture and in that I commit myself to walk the commitment of my process to bring about a new educational system that functions from the starting point of oneness and equality. 
I commit myself to wake up others who believe that knowledge and information is the way to create a better future for planet earth by walking my own process and by exposing the small and big lies we live in every breath so that we can all purify our breaths and create a system where education transforms all ideas we have of humans and human nature, and where for the first time we evolve as one humanity through caring for each other from the point of oneness and equality.

1 comments:

  1. Very cool inside view on the fears of a lecturer in the system. This really shows that there is really no one who is benefitting from the current money system as through all walks of life - every participant is simply existing in fear, and in inferiority towards money.

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