Saturday, June 30, 2012

Day 72, 2012 Family - part 6: receiving gifts


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have a resistance to receiving gifts. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of being gifted by my parents where each gift came with a set of conditions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of being gifted by my parents where each gift came with a set of conditions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define responsibility, obligation and pretense within a memory of being gifted by my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from responsibility, obligation and pretense through defining responsibility, obligation and pretense within a memory of being gifted by my parents where each gift came with a set of conditions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother giving me birthday gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother giving me birthday gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define “pleasing others”, dominance, disappointment within a memory of my mother gifting me on my birthday with gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from “pleasing others”, dominance, disappointment through defining “pleasing others”, dominance, disappointment within the memory of my mother gifting me on my birthday with gifts that she wanted me to have, and her angry reaction when I did not respond to her liking to these gifts, as she felt rejected, in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that “pleasing others”, dominance and disappointment are here with me in every moment, equal as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I fear receiving gifts from my mother because they are not what I want  - and I perceive myself as being stuck with them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate receiving gifts with having to please the person with my behaviour  upon the receipt of the gift because I programmed myself as a child to react to my parents’ ways of gifting as thankful, which was never what I wanted but mostly what they thought was good for me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with guilt when my parents told me that I wasn't grateful enough. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger when I recall the many situations of struggle and conflict with my mother’s way of gifting me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that avoiding gifts all together is not answer to the program I have accepted as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a reaction when I give something to another and they do not like what I give them. 

I realise that gifting does not have to be tied to conditions, consumerism or manipulation but can be a sincere way to acknowledge self through another, the person that is being gifted. 

I realise that I can stop all conditional programming related to gifting and let go of all suppression and anger. 

I realise that I can stand equal to all gifts I give and and receive.

I commit myself to give to others as I like to receive, without conditions or expectation place on giving the gift or receiving the gift, but simply to gift for the sake of acknowledging another as me. 

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