Friday, June 29, 2012

Day 69, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 9: to eat good food


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with phrases, symbols, and beliefs concerning food and eating.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that going to the supermarket and choosing my foods is a symbol of freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I desire to eat "good food" as "good food" is a symbol of wealth in our society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I eat well that I provide my body with the chemical building blocks that I need to have a healthy life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate "good food" with a healthy body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "good food" prevents me from ageing too quickly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all taste for foods is culturally induced and it is my responsibility to seek out the foods that work best for my body at this time. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not share the food of this world equally with all beings on the planet. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use food to control the world as food is used to control education, the raising of children and that the well-being of nations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a relationship with food in conjunction with my mother’s fear of starvation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother continually wanting to feed me because she feared that I starve, exist within me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother continually wanting to feed me because she feared that I starve.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define annoyance and torment within the memory of my mother continually wanting to feed me because she feared that I starve. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from annoyance and torment through defining annoyance and torment within the memory of my mother continually wanting me to eat because she feared that I starve, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because I was unable to communicate to my mother to stop asking me to eat when I was not hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for my relationship with food because she used to urge me to eat as she was afraid that I would starve. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for my relationship with food and realise that I need to take responsibilty for the patterns I have accepted and allowed to exist as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat irregularly even though I know that when I eat more regularly I feel better physically.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feel inclined to finish my plate because I was told and believed that I was fortunate because I had food while other children did not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have experienced food as part of my parents authority, as an extension of them, in how they used food to control my behaviour.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself on behalf of all parents who use food to create polarisation between themselves and their children, so that the children experience themselves in an dependent and inferior position. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that food is used by parents to manipulate children to regulate their behaviour and to install a reward system. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used sweet tasting food as a reward for myself just as I learned to do so in my childhood days when my parents gave me sweet foods in celebration of birthday, first day of school, religious celebration such Christmas/Easter, and for good behaviour. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my family eating together always accompanied with drama exist within me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my family eating together always accompanied by drama.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define disappearance, fear and escape within the memory of my family eating together always accompanied by drama.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from disappearance, fear and escape through defining disappearance, fear and escape within the memory of my family eating together always accompanied by drama, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself when my family ate together - to use food as suppresser of my emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself when my family ate together - to use food as suppressor for my anger.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect food with the feeling of despair and to seek out food whenever despair enters my mind. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect food with fear of myself because I have programmed myself to be afraid of how my parents interacted with me when we were sitting at the table, eating together. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have memory of my mother to exert her control over me through foods that I did not like.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of my mother exerting control over me through foods that I did not like. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define entrapment and despairing of a solution within the memory of my mother exerting control over me through foods that I did not like. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from entrapment and despairing of a solution through defining entrapment and despairing of a solution within the memory of my mother exerting control over me through foods that I did not like. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have, as a child, pretended I like certain foods that my father liked to earn his approval. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have, as a child, pretended to like certain foods that my father liked and of which my mother did not approve, because I believed that this would help me win my father as an ally to protect me from my mother. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used food to manipulate and sabotage myself and others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fed myself to please others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to create energetic charges instead of being equal and one to food as nourishment for my body that I enjoy. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to deny the reality of my life and avoid facing myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to hide from my fears. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused food to recreate the patterns of interaction that I experienced myself in when I was a child, growing up with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat when I am not hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not eat when I am hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not eat enough when I am hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat too much when I am not hungry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have no consistency in they way I eat and what food choices I make.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stay focussed on the foods that I know that I can digest well but be swayed/tempted to eat other foods that happen to be around the house but are not my habitual foods of eating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make food choices because I am too lazy to prepare something for myself alone. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I do like to cook and  prepare my food but that I sabotage myself when I tell myself that food preparation takes too much time, which is the excuse I give to myself to eat foods that are not supportive of my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body through eating. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated and angry because I cannot maintain a reasonable food pattern. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking at my food pattern because it evokes memories from my childhood which I have suppressed and which are difficult for me to look at. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate eating and food with emotional suffering. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother telling me how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had no food and were starving. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of my mother telling me how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had not food and were starving. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define anxiety, guilt, and worthlessness within the memory of my mother telling me how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had no food and were starving.
I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from anxiety, guilt and worthlessness through defining anxiety, guilt and worthlessness within a memory of my mother telling me about how unthankful I was concerning the food she fed me because during the war people had no food and were starving. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have desired the foods from my father’s grandmother because I wanted to belong somewhere as I did not have a sense of belonging with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because my mother did not allow me to enter the kitchen when I was living with my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for having to teach myself to cook instead of having been taught by my mother. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am now in the position to let go of all the memories around food that have shaped my food habits throughout my life. 

I realise that I can stop any time to relive my family-food-eating past and I do so now. I stop.
I realise that it is entirely up to me to let go of the relationships with food and eating that I have created for myself.
I realise that holding on to the food/eating patterns is also holding on to the abuse I experienced as a child and all the emotions around that. 
I commit myself to stop all accumulated food/eating relationships through self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective application. 
I commit myself to immediately face myself when I am aware that I am in engaging in one of my food patterns. 
I commit myself to breathe, clear my starting point, and check with myself if my body needs food before I eat anything. 
I commit myself to end all abuse around food and eating through walking my process and bringing about an equal money system where food and eating is redefined for everyone equally and food/eating will never again be used to abuse deliberately.

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