Monday, June 25, 2012

Day 63, 2012 Family - part 3: of dust and a dead cat




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the large amounts of dust in the house are making my breathing difficult for me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the dust in the house I live in is the cause for my experience of late, which affects my breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the dust in the house I am living in is causing the feeling within me as if “someone” is sitting on my chest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that Asthma returns.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dust is dirty and destructive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that living with dust is unhealthy and one gets sick from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recall my mother's daily sermon about the dust in the house and her angry outbursts around the dust issue and the cleaning of the house in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother repeatedly complaining about the dust in the house, exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the a memory of my mother repeatedly complaining about the dust in the house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dirty, disgusting, and deteriating within the memory of my mother complaining repeatedly about how much dust there is in the house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from dirty, disgusting, and deteriorating through defining dirty, disgusting, and deteriorating within the memory of my mother complaining repeatedly about how much dust there is in the house, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that dust is alive, it is the fundamental material of biological life to which all that is alive returns, and thus dust is the unifier of birth and death - it is the unifying stage between birth and death on which all life on earth hinges.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that dust is the building blog of biological life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse dust because I have accepted the program that cleanliness is dust free.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that a dust-free environment is a merely a picture, separated from life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise how much I have programmed myself regarding dust even though I do not clean incessantly, or even more than what is necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory of my mother cleaning all the time because it was of great importance to her that the house was clean, and that she was the one who cleaned because no other family member or hired person would do it as well as she did.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I, as my mother, am obsessed with dust and cleaning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I as my mother, abused my children with my obsession of having a dust-free environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I, as my mother, was so anxiety ridden about the dust or dust-like elements that I took my daughter’s cat away from her and had it put to sleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I, as my father, did nothing to stop my wife’s obsession with dust and cleanliness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I, as my father, was the one who took the cat away from my daughter, from her own apartment because I was "executing" my wife’s will about saving our daughter from the cat hairs because we, I, as my parents, believed that it was going to make our daughter sick.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have suppressed the death of my cat and have hated my parents for this act of violence against me and the animal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for the death of my cat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because my parents had my cat killed when she was not even living with my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could have prevented the death of my cat if I had secured my apartment better so that my father could not have entered.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in guilt because I did not try to prevent the killing of my cat by my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because my parents believe that the life of a cat has no value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that dust makes my belongings unusable, especially my more delicate equipment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike the smell of dust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am the one causing myself health problems because of the accepted beliefs I have around dust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate dust with old age such as old houses and old people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that just because I am not cleaning obsessed like my mother, I can still have programs about dust running/ruining my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my mother’s voice coming in my head when I think about dust and “hear” her complaining about the amount of dust that is in the house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that dusty objects look ugly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that dust is part of me and by not accepting dust, I do not accept dust as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from dust, and therefore do not see the life in dust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that some day my body will be nothing more than dust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that without dust there would be no life on earth.

I commit myself to stop all emotions around dust, to stop all beliefs about dust and to stop all polarising associations about dust.

I commit myself to see dust for what it is, and learn to respect the process of dust creation as essential element in the recycling of life to death, from which all biological life is formed and to which all biological life returns. 

2 comments:

  1. Thanks Manuela for sharing this blog. It made me realize that also my mom was obsessed with cleaning and when I clean I perceive my home as clean whenever the dust is gone. Definitely cool points here to consider and bring back to myself. Sylvia

    ReplyDelete

 
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