Monday, June 25, 2012

Day 62, 2012 Family - part 2: birthday phone calls


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to call my father on his birthday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have forced myself to call my father on his birthday because I fear the riff it would cause in my family if I were not to adhere to the rules and contact my father, to wish him happy birthday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to deal with a conflict situation in my family, because of my own situation, and thus I act according the rules. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a feeling of guilt when I realise that I do not have any interest in my parents. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realise that the only interest in my parents is, at the moment, of economic nature - and that this is the reason why I keep the relations in tact.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the feeling of appreciation for my parents is to do with considering my parents more than me, in that they have power over me, similar to any authority I accept, parents and governments alike.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear morality when I state that my parental relations are based on financial reasons, when at the same time this is what is best for all at the moment, and if I were to insist for it to be any other way, I would act from the point of pride and cause harm to myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I no longer “want” something in the relationship with my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to no longer want something in the relationship with my parents is that I no longer want them to change, which is an important step in understanding that my primary concern is self in process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I previously was only motivated to communicate with my parents because I desired a functional relationship with my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the reasons for feeling guilty, because I no longer have positive feeling experiences towards communicating with my father, is due to how I have programmed myself regarding morality and inferiority - where throughout my life I have accepted parents as "life giver". 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can stop all feelings of guilt through breathing here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that guilt is causing me to not see the situation for what it is. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to talk to my father because I perceive the conversation just as a formality, similar to any formality I must undergo as part of the way of the system I accept and allow to exist. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the resistance I experience is not to do with the "formality" point but because I do not want to accept the "deal" I have with my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I do not have to have a resistance towards talking with my father but to realise that birthday phone calls have been established as the exchange for the monetary support I receive. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my relations with my parents are based on money as any other relation within the system. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that all sentiment towards my parents is programmed and does not support all life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that guilt and resistance are also emotions that I need to release from my interactions with my parents.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that it is useful to understand my parents from the point of programs they have accepted and allowed to exist as themselves, which supports me to see my own programming as my own programming is based on that of my parents. 
I commit myself to practice self-forgiveness and self corrective application until I have released all programming and as a result I  stand equal to my parents. 


I commit myself to establish an equal money system where blood is no longer thicker than water but all persons realise that humanity is one equally shared existence which cannot be separated into family and non-family.

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