Monday, June 18, 2012

Day 58, 2012 What I want in the picture that I am - part 5: the need for change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring change in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed with the problems I am facing concerning circumstances, the living situation and my life style. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive my life, where I live and what I do as a temporary situation and I am expecting it to change. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in anticipation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in the future, towards the future, or with future projections. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I change my circumstances, I don’t have to deal with the current circumstances of my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that wherever I go all that I am goes with me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that wanting to change my life, circumstances, environment points to one thing: that I don’t want to change myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that there is no such thing as a temporary stay - that wherever I go, here I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to have used change/s of lifestyle, environment, circumstances, in the past to suppress myself and constantly ran away from myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this change is part of the picture I have created of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a need excitement in my life because I have defined myself as exciting person in the picture I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this excitement is delusional in that it only serves to create energetic charges. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I operate from excitement through change that I try to minimise the things that are not working in my life because I divert myself, and that this creates the mechanisms in how try to cope with my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have created the circumstances I find myself in and by not facing myself I keep repeating the same circumstances and thus the need to change for temporary relief.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my lifestyle from the separation  where the days of tomorrow always are more promising, where I have a better place to live, have quite neighbors, to have more access, more free time, more money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that although I see the insanity of this pattern, the thoughts are still coming and I have not been effective in stopping them. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this “mechanism” of wanting change appears on all levels in my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this pattern of “needing change” plays our in a number of ways - one of which is me wanting to be with people, where I need change, when I have been alone for an extensive period of time. After a period of being around others I then “need to change” and want to be by myself again. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for living in my mind because all thoughts related to making changes to my life is being absent from what is here in the physical. 
I commit myself to uncover and stopping this pattern “the need for change” in all its variations that I have allowed to run my life. 
I commit myself to facing my reality in every way, and within that facing myself in every way.
I commit myself to stopping all diverting mechanisms I allow in my life to exist. 

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