Sunday, June 17, 2012

Day 57, 2012 Family - part 1: other familiar lies


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to meet other people's family, and get involved with other people’s parents because I do not want to deal with their beliefs and ideas.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am reacting in a similar way as my mother who has maintained her distance from other people’s family, and has reacted in anger when there was a demand to do otherwise. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to get involved with other people’s family because I fear more abuse coming my way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I fear other people's family because do not trust that I can remain here, in the face of any situation - a situation that might implicate me in some way, over which I have no control. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to get involved with other people's family because I fear being asked to conform my behaviour in some way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to get involved with other people's family because I have experienced this in the past as unpleasant, difficult and abusive - and I do not want to repeat this experience. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I do not have to experience emotion around this point but all I have to do stick to the principle of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise if I do have emotion on this point than I am not clear, and I react because I want to do what is right for someone else, instead of doing what is best for all. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that if I react with emotions I am running the program I have installed in childhood by watching my mother and her reactions towards involvement with other people's family. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the whole world is abusive, including me, and to not wanting to deal with other people's abuse indicates that I don’t want to acknowledge my own abusive behaviour. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise my abusive behaviour as family member of a family in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate my dealings with famillies instead of being here, equal and one, to whoever is standing in front of me, family or not. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an aversion about all that is family because I believe that the rotten core of humanity starts with family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because I have for so long pretended that everything is ok in my family, and have over the years suppressed my emotions, because I wanted to maintain the picture of who I am as a member of a functioning nuclear family in this society.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am still afraid of my parent’s reactions towards my choices in life and therefore I don’t share information. 
I commit myself to stopping all fears having to do with "any" family relation, and that through dedicated practise in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, I will layout and walk all patterns I have accepted and allowed to exist as me in relation to family.
I commit myself to making decisions concerning my involvement with family, any family, from the place of what is best for all. 
I commit myself to transcending my mind so that I become life as physical existence, and to establish a system of life/economy/society where all people are equal because each person is life and life has only one value:  the value of life. 

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