Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Day 53, 2012 What I want in the picture I am - part 1: staying young


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture of me that does not want to get old, and within this picture I stay young until I die. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider signs of aging unwanted, unpleasant and try to escape these signs through natural living and diet. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that ageing is negative/bad/wrong and disadvantages me and must therefore be avoided. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that others age too and that those who are old are mostly invisible to me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that old people are nutty because they have a narrow outlook on life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that old people in the West are unpleasant and that old people in the East are more acceptable because they age better. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed in how my parents have aged, in terms of the picture they are now, versus the picture they were when I was younger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I am old I can no longer move around the way I want to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that old age will exclude me from joining younger people because in our societies we marginalise those who are older. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged because I am old.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that wanting to look and appear young is me living as a picture and not as a being. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is important to age gracefully

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself into the future because I know in the future I am old.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike having to “worry” about the future because of how it “works” in our society, where income is connected to a job, to live and exist, and that I must seek out provision to be able to live in this world when I am old. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have resistance towards contemplating, working, or designing myself an old-age future with pension, insurances, and other securities for survival because I want to believe that I am not going to age and thus will continue to be part of the work force until I die. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people who want to go into pension because I cannot imagine myself to "wait" for death because I believe that MY life is not defined by whether or not I work. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I define myself through my work and that I do not realise that I can't even imagine no longer working in my field.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out signs of ageing on my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to my peers so that I can compare signs of ageing and thus evaluate myself within my age group.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear helplessness because of old age. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to walk my process, contribute to an equal money system, and be content to die, even if I die not very old. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never considered aging when I was younger. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my faculities, such as vision, smell, and teeth when I get old. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because I do not understand how the process of ageing happens to me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aging with money as I do not realise that aging means "running out of the ability to provide the mind with energy" and as energy is money, I fear not being an efficient and lucrative energy manufacturer to ensure my survival. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that these thoughts about ageing are of my mind and that the physical body returns to the earth as it is part of the earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my body because I am in my "head"- in my mind-  placing conditions, judgements, opinions, observations, and fears onto the process of aging. 

I commit myself to stop the picture of youth that I live up to, and become one and equal to my physical body where I can live in this world until I die without having to define myself within an age group, by my capacity to interact or to do things, and not fear death coming as the old age signs are pointing me towards death. 

I commit myself to stop the picture which I have of myself and to which I live up to, in all its minute details, and to walk myself out of the picture breath by breath - walking out of the limitations that I have placed on myself and others. I become life.

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