Friday, June 8, 2012

Day 48, 2012 The decision of who I am - part I

Veno: becoming sick a lot is due to postponements, waiting, not making a decision of who you are and what you are going to do with your life and actually do it. 




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have considered making a decision of who I am. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that who I am is a self-movement. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my desires, wants, needs and urges for control decide who I am. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that looking at my options and not becoming any of them is dishonest because the choice becomes more important that who I am within the choice - any choice that I make.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being careful can prevent me from making the wrong choice. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to believe that I must first check out all my options before I make any decisions. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have habituated myself to this program of being careful about making choices, so that I no longer have common sense to make the simple decision of who I am. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make the decision of who I am, which holds me back and keeps me hostage in my mind because it is the mind that projects into the future - and all the possible choices that I have. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the decision of who I am is simple and straight forward. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that without the decision of who I am I cannot commit myself to walk this process. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that existing in suspension because I do not make the decision of who I am is abusive to my body because it causes illness. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not decide who I am as it is a form of abdicating self-responsibilty because I maintain myself in the space of suspension, of waiting. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that not making a decision is a form of separation from my mind and my physical body.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making the decision of who I am because I fear that there is no turning back. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have bought into "leaving myself all options open" and thus trapping myself in the idea of choice and free will.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the decision can not be anything else but then "what is best for all equally" and that all ideas of options are delusional.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I have made the decision of becoming life, on the premise of what is best for all equally, that all other navigation of my life in this society will follow, accordingly.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am not mind, my studies, my beliefs, that what I am is none of the external indicators that everyone in society uses to compare, to polarise and to compete against. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the evil which I accept as me can never be transformed to life as long as I do not make a decision to do so. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I create my reality either through my mind or through self-movements which requires me to make a choice between the two and walk the decision. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not share from my life what I can through making a decision of who I am so that I can support others as me. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I make the decision of who I am that I create myself from the starting point of life and that all my actions contribute to the birthing of life on the planet 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to stop my ego I must make the decision of who I am. 


I commit myself to life, and thus I make the decision to be life, to be that which is best for all. 

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