Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Day 46, 2012 My mother and I


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have interacted with every women from the starting point of the relationship with my mother.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that that through my relationship with my mother I have created the definitions of my relations with other women in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that women are the closest to me, in terms of position in society and ego, and that by enacting my habituated female-to-female relationship programs that I have formed through my relationship with my mother I suppress my self-support - because through supporting other women I actually support myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been in competition with my mother and thus have been in competition with all females. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my anger against my mother is really the anger I have against myself for not changing myself in the way that I want to because I see that all those traits I criticise in my mother, are traits I want to change within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have been gentle with my mother by coming from the understanding that she has allowed to program herself through her parents and environment, just as I have done, and that through realising my self-responsibility within that I can stop my separation and be here in gentleness and patience just I would like her to be here for me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can be who I am with my mother, in gentle ways.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that through other females I am mirroring to myself the points I have to work on, and so realise that the triggers I experience within the interaction with other females are gifts for my process of self-realisation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that every interaction with another woman is an opportunity to interact with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my interactions with other women provide me with a mirror of myself from which I cannot hide the way I can hide behind the sexual attraction point in my relationship with men.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I accept all women in the way they are then I have accepted myself in all the ways that I am. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that total self-acceptance is the first step for me to start my journey to self-realisation. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that feel superior in my interactions with women - because I realise that in my interaction with my mother I have perceived myself as less powerful thus I am reversing the dynamic with other women to compensate for the relationship I have with my mother. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see myself as equal to my mother but see her as my parent and in doing so I give my power away. 

I commit myself to stand as equal to my mother. 

I commit myself to see my mother as me, and embrace all of her. 


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