Thursday, June 7, 2012

Day 47, 2012 Learning to speak Dutch


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking Dutch because I make mistakes and don’t know all the words of the language.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility in doing my tasks when they involve speaking Dutch because I fear making mistakes when speaking in Dutch to a native Dutch speaker.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I speak a lot of Dutch at home but separate myself from speaking the language when I must speak to someone I do not know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking Dutch in public places because I see myself as inferior and feel embarrassed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that learning requires excising the language that I am learning therefore I must speak as much as possible. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be perfect in the way I speak Dutch and because I do not live up to the picture of perfection, I judge myself when I speak Dutch.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a perfect picture exist within me in how I need to speak Dutch. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking Dutch and thus get nervous when I have to speak Dutch in stores to a sales person, or when dealing with administrative issues. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend to be a native Dutch speaker and only speak that which is absolutely necessary because I fear making a mistake and then will be discovered as not being a native speaker
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the way I judge myself is a total mind fuck because I have excellent grades in my Dutch course yet I fear talking to people outside of the course and my home. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for signs of judgement within the other person who I am talking to in Dutch, so that I can confirm my fears and justify my thoughts. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be in control in my communications with others and feel that I have no control when I am speaking in Dutch.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being looked down upon because I am a foreigner. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgement from a native Dutch speaker based on my Dutch language skills and because I fear being rejected.
Memories:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within me when I learned to speak as a child in my mother tongue where my mother reacted with impatience towards me for not speaking properly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my mother reacting with impatience when I learned to speak as a child.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself define inferiority and self-judgement within the memory of my mother reacting to me with impatience when learned to speak as a child. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from inferiority and self-judgement through defining the inferiority and self-judgement within the memory of my mother reacting with impatience when I learned to speak as a child, in separation of myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise equality and self-expression are here with me in very moment of breath. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exit within me where my mother made fun of me learning to speak as a child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my mother making fun of me when I learned to speak as a child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define embarrassment and imperfection within the memory of my mother making fun of me when I learned to speak as a child. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from embarrassment and imperfection through defining  embarrassment and imperfection within the memory of my mother making fun of me as I learned to speak, in separation of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that change and self-perfection are here with me in every moment of breath. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within me where my mother did not allow my brother and I to speak in dialect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of my mother where my mother did not allow my brother and I to speak in dialect. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define reputation and advantage within the memory of my mother where she did not allow my brother and I to speak in dialect. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from reputation and advantage through defining reputation and advantage within the memory of my mother not allowing my brother and I to speak in dialect. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am here in the physical at all times in every moment of breath.


I commit myself to end embarrassment, imperfection, self-judgement, inferiority, reputation, advantage, in separation of myself that are triggered through learning and speaking. 

I commit myself to uncover and release all programs which are impacting my learning and diminish my capacity to make effective use of how I can apply so that it is best for all.

I commit to stop all personalities that I have used to program myself and use breath to walk this release.

I commit myself that when I encounter situations where I speak in a different language and I am reacting in any way to stop myself for a moment and collect myself through breath, and then start anew speaking. 

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