Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Day 42, 2012 Trapped in a mind field: intellect and knowledge


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can express myself within the community of researchers and academics through the physical and breath without having to revert to mental thinking. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting the point when I do not think, while I must be talking and writing about academic concepts and theories.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my resistance, worries, and blockages that I experience when I write in the context of research are rooted in me ultilising the mind instead of being here in breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the quality of my work when I working with breath and ‘breathe here’ will not be acceptable by those who peer-review my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that intellectual thought cannot be derived from breathing here, and within this belief I show myself that I judge the physical as lesser than the mind because I attribute intelligence to the mind but not to the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the mind is one-dimensional and the physical does not have these limitations. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I use my mind to do my research work, I end up stressed and exhausted. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I use my mind to do my research work and I stress myself and therefore abuse my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this form of abuse through using my mind in intellectual thought is a form of production of energetic charge which is what the mind is addicted to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise when I like ‘doing my research work’ I am liking the energetic charge that I am addicted to because up until now I have worked from the mind as starting point and not from the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost in intellectual thought when involved in writing about my research and exist in my mind losing all connections to my environment. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not know how to approach expressing my research work in writing in a relaxed manner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot let it flow when I write about my research the way I can let it flow when I write self-forgiveness because research and self-forgiveness are two different things and thus do not realise that in this way I separate myself from my self on the grounds of research and self-forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself when writing about my work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear intellectual death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the death of mind. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that common sense is available in any type of work and that common sense is practical and accessed through the physical. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I participate in the system in the way I do then I must use my mind, not realising that this is a limitation I place upon  myself and that I have no indications that this is so.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have already shown to myself that I benefit from applying myself in breath when engaged with research work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become impatient when I am working on expressing my research work in writing,  when I sit at my desk and breathe and nothing is coming through - at which point I switch to mentally approaching my writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this is a process and it will take a process for me to write my findings down through breathing only.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself and to the process of writing by using my mind at the expense of other activities in my life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make academic writing a special and important occasion and thus I do not stand equal to it. 
I commit myself to learn to write publications for peer review from the starting point of breath. 

I commit myself to check my starting point every time I sit down at my desk to write about my work. 
I commit myself to be patient within this physical process of writing academically. 
I commit myself to apply common sense, to approach writing for research just like I would approach any other activity in breath.

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