Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Day 36, 2012 Asthma


I had Asthma as a teenager, which I was able to get rid off in my early 20’s.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become asthmatic because I was looking to escape facing myself within the family situation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become asthmatic because I wanted to be cared for, which I only believed to receive when I was not feeling well. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Asthma because I was tired of the struggle at home, and in being asthmatic I sought to get a break.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Asthma because I thought that dying from Asthma would punish my mother who I perceived as abusive towards me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Asthma because I liked the attention I got when I had an attack. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Asthma because I felt helpless towards my home situation, and I needed something to hold on to, and the illness gave me a focussing point I was hanging on to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop Asthma because I did not want to deal with going out into the world, as I perceived my world to be hostile I also perceived the world outside of my world as hostile, the Asthma provided me security and a place to hide. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get energy from the adrenaline of Asthma attacks where I would have to fight to survive in my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thrive on the challenge of survival as a way to distract myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Asthma as an excuse to excuse myself from interacting with others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself through social interaction, because I have programmed myself to believe that interactions have a confrontational starting point, where I have to protect myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Asthma to hide my jealousy of others who were ‘fearless’ in the social interactions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have let go of Asthma once I left my parent’s house, to proof to my parents that it was all their fault that I had Asthma when living with them. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Asthma to express my anger against my parents and the world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Asthma to gain benefits from others, by having an excuse I could always draw on. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the Asthma could come back someday in the future. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret having abused myself through Asthma. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have contributed, as part of the mindconsciousness system to an economic system where children grow up as slaves of their parents, who are clueless about life and raising children and pass on their pattern of abuse.
I commit myself to stop all self-abuse through illnesses.

I commit myself to uncover all patterns related to illness that I have used to program myself to exist in this world.

I commit myself to learning how pain works in conjunction with the mindconsciousness system. 

I commit myself to work towards an equal money system so that there is no more possibility for parents to abuse children and children will stop to be financially dependent on their parents and are free to make decisions where they want to live.

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