Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day 29, 2012 Items on my todo lists


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that not being decisive about items on my todo lists is because I am afraid of making mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making mistakes and not realising that this it is the very fear that is causing me to make mistakes. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that not being decisive on the things that I know I have to do is a form of denial of a future event that is coming, which I have to deal with one way or another, and that when I put it off, to deal with it later, till the future is a little closer, because I believe I will know better what to do, I inevitably complicate the situation for myself and others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that I must deal with what is here what I know about it, instead of making excuses about whether that which I must deal with fits into the future, which is unknown to me in this moment. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not like having ‘loose ends’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself with anxiety and fear when I have loose ends in my life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having 'loose ends' is being out of control of one's life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to label unfinished, unclosed events, or situations as loose ends. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that every time I am not decisive and act according to what needs to be done, even if the eventual outcome is in the future, I end up paying a price for it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that when I am aware of an issue in the present and even though the execution of this issue is in the future I must still understand that the issue itself is here, at this time, in this moment, and that it needs to be directed, and that waiting for it to come closer in time to deal with it, is leaving it undirected.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have items on my todo list that I keep putting off because they are inconvenient and I have a resistance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in believing that I cannot get up-to-date with my todo list.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I have always have long todo lists and that I have not managed to be free of long todo list.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complicate my life by living according to the phrase “better safe than sorry” - not realising that every 'savety' mechanisms comes with some sort of responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself with the phrase "better safe than sorry" rather than use common sense and apply it by questioning the situation and evaluate the outcome in common sense.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blame my life style (of having lived across the globe) for the reason that I have so many administrative things on my plate, and that I do not realise that the reason for this is how I am handling things. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that anxiety comes with my todo list. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have examined the process of how I do things in more detail, to find a better way to deal with my todos.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to envy other beings, for example animals, for the simplicity of their life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for constantly trying to get away from having todo list - yet going about it in an emotionally charged manner where I aim to simplify my life by stripping "things" “people” and “activities” away, instead of looking at my process of self-direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly try to get away from having todo lists by stripping things, people, and activities away not realising that this is a form of escape from myself because I do not confront myself but rather my external reality, to simplify my life. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have looked into this issue much earlier with self-forgiveness and stop all patterns connected to todos. 
I commit myself to investigate my handling of todo items on my list, and to take each item seriously where I realise why I have certain resistance, I stop the resistance and I do what needs to be done, to direct myself in this manner and become more efficient in my daily living.
I commit myself to bring all my time issues / todo list issues back to self and not look for external solutions, unless it is necessary from a common sense perspective. 

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