Sunday, May 13, 2012

Day 26, 2012 Obsessive behaviour patterns in my work habits


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have attachment to frustration.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself attached to the situation where I am working until I have reached a point of frustration.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in frustration and manifest a mood, the gloomy doom, that I create because I don’t move myself in common sense. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I am creating a self-abusive scenario when I am becoming obsessed within holding on to working on one task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have habituated myself within the mechanisms of frustration, which is predicated by obsession. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can stop my frustration any time, and instead of experiencing myself in f(t)rust-ration where I have turned trust on it’s head and ‘rationed’ trust within myself, I can stop all frustration by breathing here and acting in common sense. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the excuses I give myself for continually pursuing a task even when it’s time to stop are related to obsessive behaviour, playing out in the execution of tasks related to my work, where I do not pace myself and limit myself only to ‘register’ the resulting levels of frustration at the end. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to experience myself in frustration is to experience myself in defeat, in that I stand as inferior to the tasks that I am executing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have programmed myself to accept frustration as partial to the kind of work I do, and the belief that if I don’t keep working in an obsessive manner that I will not finish the work in time. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that the experience of frustration is connected to fear of loss, of either finishing the task at which point it is over - so the loss of the task ending - and/or not finishing the task in the time frame I have for it, and thus not making the deadline. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise to create frustration in this manner is a diversion and fear from acting with self-direction. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that to experience myself in frustration, as I am working, is a form of suppression where I suppress my self expression, and thus trigger a variety of other behaviours to deal with the suppression. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I can be free to experiment in making a comfortable work schedule for myself, and over time will find out what works for me, instead of falling into the ‘production machine’ pattern because I have trained myself in this way throughout the years of working in professional settings where the only objective was to 'meet the target' that was set by those who were in supervising positions. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ‘working’ habit I have created.
I commit myself to establish a balance between all parts of activities that I do throughout the day.
I commit myself to look at my habitual patterns of behaviour when conducting my work and to free myself from any form of obsession and self-abuse that ends up with me feeling frustrated. 
I commit myself to ending all emotions that result from automated behaviour I have accepted as me, and to act in common sense. 

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