Friday, May 4, 2012

Day 18, 2012 In a holding pattern, I am



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because I fear the consequences of who I am in the world. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because I fear judgement by other. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because I fear punishment because of having held back. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back and by doing so I protect my ego because when whatever of me is out - in the world - I must then face it and deal with it.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because holding back allows me to live in denial, and to pretend that I am ok.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that through holding back I don’t make mistakes - and thus I cannot be held accountable. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because in holding back I feel secure. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding back, thus I do not allow myself to change.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because I cannot accept what may come out as me - and thus I have lost control. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing control.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back and in doing so I diminish myself and make myself invisible. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back because I want to avoid conflict or reactions in others,  I want to be liked and accepted.


I forgive myself for accepting and allwoing myself to hold back because I do not trust myself.  


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back on my physical needs and therefore abuse my body.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back as an excuse to not face my fears.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back as an excuse to not take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that holding back is the only option I have.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and thus in reaction to my judgment I hold myself back and stifle my Self. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself, since childhood, to hold back who I am and to pretend to be someone that I am not. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to stop holding back and be here in self-honesty.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back from how I truly want to act because I adhere to social etiquette.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back as a way to manipulate others in fulfillment of my desires and wants.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back and by holding back I am an accomplice in maintaining the economic and cultural system, which abuses and negates all life.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have suppressed myself by holding back from myself. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself in anger because I have suppressed myself and have automated my behaviour, and judge myself for having done so. 
I commit myself to stopping all patterns of holding back. 

I commit myself to stopping all forms of holding back and will work towards uncovering all points in which I hold myself back - I will then delete these points and walk in self-direction in self-trust. 

I commit myself to actively participate in spotting all instances where I am holding back, and stop all excuses that try to justify why I need to hold back, and be here in the physical world, equal and one to all there is.

I commit myself to stopping all mind generated patterns:  regarding the pattern of holding back, I  realise that in the physical world, even if I were to keep some substance or material component from functioning, it would still be here as itself, as I cannot 'un' create some 'thing' that is already here.  

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