Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Day 16, 2012 The rotten child/adult syndrome


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be only motivated to do something that benefits the world when I see my personal benefit in it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my personal benefit at the top of all my endeavours whether I do so consciously or in my secret mind. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect rewards for my efforts even though my efforts are, in first line, intended to benefit me, I expect rewards because I am greedy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect rewards for my efforts because I expect recognition which indicates that I do not act or move myself in self-trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accumulated knowledge within myself because I see that the more knowledge I have, the more I can increase my possibilities for rewards. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in greed because I fear not being part of the whole, not getting my share, therefore I do not want to share. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to demand from others to support me, and thus reward me for being me, when I am not willing to support myself unconditionally. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to apply myself 100% when I can have a tangible reward in front of me that will give me a better life, but will not apply myself in the same way when I cannot mentally perceive the reward.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as superior because I have accomplished an achievement and that achievement has been rewarded.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as inferior because I have pursued and completed a specific activity but have not received a reward for it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated to make my achievements known so that I can get rewarded or recognition for it. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with jealousy when others get rewarded for the same achievement but I do not. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated to please another, i. e. my parents, my teacher, my friends because I get rewarded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated to manipulate another because I get rewarded. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated to sabotage myself because I get rewarded by another. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have given to others, i.e. given to charity - I gave to those who are less privileged than me because I felt culpable about the world situation, where I have only ever been concerned with creating a cushy comfortable life for myself, never really considering why I should be more comfortable than others and although this question was bothering me somewhere -  I suppressed all that I saw within myself because I have programmed myself since childhood to only be focussed on my own survival. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been moody and angry when I did not get what I want from the world, my friends, my parents, my colleagues or even from people whose name I don’t even know. 

I commit myself to recreate myself so that I all I ever do and act as I do in self-movement and from self-direction. 

I commit myself to use common sense in what I do in the world to understand in detail how it benefits everyone equally - where I am one of the equals. 

I commit myself to continue investigating myself and to deprogram all points that are reward driven, so that I can stand as life, and from here create a world in which children are raised in equality and oneness.



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