Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Day 9, 2012 Mind is self-sabotage



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my mind, and through this fear I provide the grounds for my secret mind to act in self-sabotage. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear succeeding in moving as Self, as point of stability throughout all my actions, because this means that I change and walk out of my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell in the ‘grayzone’ or to fall back into a ‘mental grayzone’ in creating doubts and beliefs, that slowly creep into my behaviour, because I chose to let go of clarity and let thoughts interfere with ‘me breathing here’, which then diffuses who I am in this moment, and replaces ‘me breathing here’ with  definitions and judgements.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in war with myself by fighting the secret mind and the resulting sabotage, instead of accepting I am my mind at this moment, and only through this acceptance can I change, to walk as breath in the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that my starting point and clarity about ‘being and breathing here’ are the main points of reference for me, to stop myself in the moment where conscious thoughts influence my perception and actions and create self-defeating backchat.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to realise that when I engage in acts of self-judgement I prepare myself for self-sabotage, and that when I create and recreate this cycle, I create an energetic charge of anger due to having given into my judgements. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop my participation, the moment I give value to my external world through the signs and markers highlighted by my perception, to allow myself to indulge in judgment and polarisation of what I am through self-definitions that cycle between good/right/positive and wrong/false/negative, not seeing that my evil nature can never be anything else but the mind, and any search for meaning in these beliefs is a diversion from breathing here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage my process of self-forgiveness because I give into the belief that change is difficult, and that if I don’t ‘feel’ like writing self-forgiveness and am writing it anyway that I am a fraud, not seeing that this is part of me not trusting myself, and to be self-trust, to shut up my mind and continue writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that my process is getting easier, because I want to congratulate myself as having made progress, and because I do not want to anticipate more difficulties, and give into my laziness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be led by likes and dislikes in which support my ego and all my self-definitions, and fearing that when I let go of these likes and dislikes that there is nothing ‘left’ of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear nothingness - thus I forgive myself to fear fear itself.
I realise that seeing my self-sabotage is only seeing what I have allowed myself to become and exist as, and that it is through this process of self-realisation I return myself to Self, and that any judgements that come up can only be stopped by me. 
I realise that at the moment I am not at a point where I can understand the deeper mechanism of self-sabotage and that the way forward for me is to commit myself to learn the process of self-realisation with absolute dedication. 
I commit myself to not give up on practicing self-forgiveness and writing, and the learning of all tools that are here for me, to walk out of my mind and become the change I want to see in the world. 
I commit myself to work diligently so that I, breath-by-breath, stop all self-sabotage and that for the moment I work with what I can see and understand. 
I commit myself to practice self-will every day anew, until self-will is stable at all times, so that I can become and am the directive principle of all my activities and words. 

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