Monday, April 23, 2012

Day 7, 2012 At the edge of my 'stances to return'


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I can stop thoughts of impending ‘failure to proceed as here’ by immediately breathing, yet still recognising that what I experience in my body, and resistances to specific tasks, are real and must be addressed without discouraging myself, but rather using these signals to push myself within my process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that time is a construct that reaches beyond the clock, and that days of the week are also part of time with particular beliefs pertaining to each day of the week, and that is also part of the time construct that I am letting go because I re-focus on Self and cycles of movements.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognise that I have bought into the belief that some days of the week are more valuable and special than others, and that I must ‘hast’ and ‘stress’ myself to maximise these days by being most productive, to recognise the special value of these days like everyone else, because otherwise I miss opportunities that may lead to fruitful completion of my tasks that are interdependent of others. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within me to the tasks that lie ahead of me because I have bought into the belief that certain times and days of the week are more or less useful, and by believing this to be real I devalue my Self to a ‘means of performance’, a tool of my mind that vitalises the system, generating emotional charges, instead of understanding that this string of patterns can be easily stopped when I stay consistent in breathing and hereness throughout any time of the day, week, month, or year. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that signals from my body, the world around me, or resistances from my programming are welcomed markers, that I can come face to face with without any emotional charges, seeing them for what they are, and by doing so using these as building blocks for my physical manifested Self as nothingness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not differentiate with clarity what is an emotional charge, when reacting to changes in my environment or when reacting to a particular physical manifestation within my body, but by not insisting on having clarity of Self, I give in to the runaway train that is my mind, due to lack of effort in staying ‘absolute’ within my starting point of equality and oneness.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have utlised my breath as the ‘clock of my process’ where I apply myself in breath-units: breath by breath - not allowing any excuses that are pointing to my external reality as to why I am not able to do so. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that to ‘slow down and breath’ is a form of training that I must go through just like I have entrained myself to speed up, I must reverse this process and by doing so simultaneously stop all backchat and mind chatter, through channelling my focus into breathing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that navigating my focus takes place within clarity, to enable my Self to stay within breath.  
I realise that even if I no longer work against the clock because I have stopped looking at external factors to pace myself, and I look for cycles of my own movement as indicator for how I manage my time, I see that weekdays are also another manifestation of time and future projections, which I have come to measure myself against depending on the accepted belief systems directed towards each day of the week, month, or year. 
I realise that by acknowledging resistances as ‘stances to return’ to what was there before, the pre-programmed and automated behaviours that have determined my life, I can reverse the significance of ‘stances of return’ as ‘indicators for self movement’ - which through unfoldment in breath I unleash Self as who I am in every moment. 
I commit myself to exist in 'clarity of starting point and focus on breath', at any given time, and to chisel away any beliefs that I have not yet discovered, steadily and with precision of the moment.
I commit myself to withdraw all remaining focus on the external world around me as 'guiding ego' for my actions and inactions, and to re-focus Self within cycles of self movement within the principle of oneness and equality. 

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