Thursday, April 19, 2012

Day 3, 2012 Separation from the physical through suppression of movement


I have a tendency to work in front of my computer for long hours. I recall that I trained myself to do this years ago when I was working on large projects with heavy deadlines. Lately, I have been dealing with the issue of time management because I have to cater to many different tasks in one day, which is not what I habitually do. Learning to switch tasks and to be effective within accomplishing my work has shown me several behavioural patterns. Since I have listened to Anu’s interviews (9), I have changed my approach to time completely: I move in cycles of movement.  I focus on getting through one activity, and if that one activity is too long to be completed in a reasonable amount of time, then I stop at a convenient point within the work, to resume it at a later stage. In essence I have refocussed my perception of time, and I stop looking at the clock to measure myself against it. 
However, I have noticed that I often override a point where it’s convenient to stop and do something else, where my body physically wants to move, beyond how I can move in a chair. Then, I push to go one more notch within the task that I am doing although I know that to get to this next notch, it will actually take more time than what I try to convince myself to believe. This pattern occurs as I am making the decision to continue working. I realised that this is one of the behavioural patterns I have in how I have allowed myself to abuse my body, and suppress its needs. In this particular aspect, I then move around on my chair and will feel physically uncomfortable. But I will suppress this uncomfortable experience of myself, and from this a kind of internal struggle arises, where the two points (my physical body wants to move vs my mind insists on keeping on with work) collide and create conflict.
I stop suppressing physical movement. I stop all accepting self-abuse and the abjection of the physical. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mind to dominate my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my physical body by believing that I must keep working because it is more important than physically moving around and to be active, for my physical body to recover from having to sit still on a chair for many hours. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept that I can only move through and with my body, to get any and all tasks done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can’t recognise within my Self when my body wants to move.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when my body wants to move while I am working, than it is self-sabotage because I don’t want to work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have ignored the signals of my body and have not looked at the situation in self-honesty. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to suppress the movement of my body because I exist in fear of survival. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to be addicted to working, at the expense of my body, because I believe that this ensures my survival.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted ‘addiction to work’ because I do not want to face myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted ‘addiction to work’ because I believe only then I can reach perfection in my achievements, in whatever it is that I am working on. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen my body as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within suppression of physical movement I also suppress my body's needs to go to the toilet when I have to, but to wait because I believe that it is not convenient within the task that I am working on. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within suppression of physical movement I also suppress my body's needs to eat properly, where I do not take time for preparing and eating food because I believe that the act of eating is of lesser importance and is time I can spare and minimise. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body by having programmed myself to value myself from the point of ‘performance capacity’ and not as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to believe that the physical reality is always subordinate to the mind, and that although I ‘know’ better through my process, I still accept behavioural patterns that undermine my physical body. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not productive enough and through this fear I abuse my body by suppressing movement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I suppress physical movements I will work faster.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my physical needs as ‘adjustable’ or as 'open for negotiation'  and thus as lesser than my mind, in that I will stop working when I am tired but I won’t stop working when my body wants to move.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have gotten used to not physically ‘feeling comfortable’ so that I don’t register the signals of my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not equalise my body’s movement and my breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my body as a ‘vehicle for movement’ and in doing so justify abusive behaviour patterns.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to my mind when I have to make the decision whether I need to continue working or engage in another task. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have trusted myself that I will get things done without having to abuse my physical body through suppression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge taking breaks from working as bad/negative/wrong. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought of  ‘physical movement’ with ‘having to work’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not create the most comfortable working environment for myself although I will create the most comfortable working environment for a ‘mental’ task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept that the very ‘nature’ of my being is physical substance. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept to be patience with my physical Self in any circumstance and situation of my time here. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted that to strive for perfection entails abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience guilt when I move about without my movements supporting a particular task I have to get done. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect guilt with physical movement. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that when I experience myself as physical uncomfortable that it is my creation and that I can stop the pattern. 

Memory:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the memory of my father telling me “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz” exist within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of my father telling me - in response to my experience of physical pain - “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define strength, commitment, perseverance, and perfection within the memory of my father telling me “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself separate myself from strength, commitment, perseverance and perfection, through defining strength, commitment, perserverance and perfection, within a memory of my father, in separation of myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that strength, commitment, perseverance and perfection can only be real when I can implement them within the equality of what is here, and within listening to my physical body to create equal conditions for all parts that are Self, here as me in every moment of breath. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz” with having to get work done. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz” within having to get work done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz” and from having to get work done through defining the “Indianer kennt kein Schmerz” within having to get work done, in separation of myself. 
Realisation:

I realise that I have programmed myself throughout my life to accept ‘feeling physically uncomfortable’ as a byproduct of living in this world. I realise that I have taken on this programming, as it exists within my family, and that I can stop the acceptance of the belief I must ‘suffer’ physically to keep the status quo or the picture, to be effective, to be alive - right here in this moment. 
I stop all abuse towards my physical body and this begins with adhering and responding to the signals of my body regarding movement and food, to act physically without fear of failure and fear of loss, always to remain in self-trust.
Whenever I find myself suppressing movement of my physical body, I delete the thought and slow down in breath. I create awareness of my physical needs and I see the thoughts for what they are - a program within the mindconsciousness system. 

I commit myself to re-learning and perfecting listening in awareness to the signals of my body, and to stand by fulfilling its needs at all times, equal and one. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

 
Copyright © . Is life possible without the mind? - Posts · Comments
Theme Template by BTDesigner · Powered by Blogger