Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day 2, 2012 Conforming to personality patterns when engaging with others


This post is about the belief that I must be a pleasant person because I share some aspect of my life (for example at school or work) with others (acquaintances) and by doing so I act from personality, using automated words and responses which are essentially manipulative and let me exist in fear. The emotion underlying these interactions is fear of loss in that I fear losing access to information and help - given freely to me by the person - ‘just in case’ I need it. The fear that I am facing is that if I do not act from my habitual personality facet, to cater to another, I will ultimately create a disadvantaged situation for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that only if I conform to my personality pattern of being nice and pleasing to others I will get what I want.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘the act of conforming’ with ‘having an advantage over another’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the automated behaviour of pleasing others is valid. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must deceive to have my needs met by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having what I need.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I can’t give to myself what others can provide for me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can only live comfortably when I am prepared for ‘just in case’ 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have programmed myself to lead my life from a place of uncertainty, and to believe that if I am prepared for the “just in case” cases then I have remedied this uncertainty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear survival, and to fear others because my survival depends on them - thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept this fear of survival as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that being here in breath and speaking in self-honesty will jeopardise my survival.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being here in breath and speaking in self-honesty to others is unfriendly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I know how others perceive and judge me, and on the basis of these assumptions, I operate from my personality construct. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there are reasons that validate acting from personality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the two-way abuse, as a way to interact with others, which is what I do when I am not interacting in a self-willed manner. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to the voice in my mind when making decision in how/when/where I interact with an acquaintance. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to not see that the assumptions I make about the perceptions and judgement of others are really my own perceptions and judgements of who I believe to be. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my automated behaviour as negative/bad/wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen that friendships are there to keep the status quo of enslavement because within the confines of the friendship, change towards self-honesty will break up this confinement by no longer affirming the automated patterns which then ends the friendship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having friends serves a purpose in managing my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have seen that friendships and family ties are one of the causes of separation where I participate in maintaining the system with all its abuse and suffering.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not direct myself in my acquaintances with other people to establish from the beginning of my interactions a self-willed manner of speaking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid interacting with others because I believe that I do not know how to interact in a self-willed manner, when I am faced with others who are not practicing self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I interact with my acquaintance from a self-willed place, I am unable to take into consideration the starting point of the other. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself that I can be here in breath and interact in a self-willed manner and at the same time be aware of the accepted  norms and forms of society.
I realise that to give into my automated behavioural patterns in situations where I interact with acquaintances is an excuse to not get passed the fear of loss.
I realise that I am aware in these above mentioned situations and that I am the one who makes the decision to listen to my mind. 
I realise that what ever I listen to in my mind is programming and an excuse which I stop by stoping the thought and breathing slowly and deeply.
I realise that when I avoid interacting with others, who are acquaintances, I give into my fears which maintains the fears and the thought pattern behind it. 
I realise that my assumptions about what others think of me are mine only and that any assumptions I make are sourced from the mindconsciousness system, and thus have no validity.
I realise that to stay in breath I must take my time when answering questions within the interactions with others. I must slow down to not react in automated behaviour, or to listen to my mind. My starting point must be from breath. 
I realise that I live in a society that does not accept certain forms of behaviour, and I realise within that I can maintain these forms of behaviour only from the perspective that I am able to stand clear within me where I adhere to the rules because I need to function within society (for example in a job), but at the same time I can decipher in awareness when I am activating automated personality behaviour patterns. 
I commit myself to ruthlessly stand my ground by breathing during my interactions with others, and that if at any moment I venture off into my mind, I gently bring myself back to be here, and I delete the thoughts that have arisen.

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