Monday, April 30, 2012

Day 14, 2012 The connection between self-trust and fear


What is the connection between self-trust and fear? In walking my process I have repeatedly realised that not facing my fear by communicating with others, or by placing myself into the situation that causes the fear - I realise that the underlying energetic pattern that repeats is that I perceive myself as having ‘no power’ in the determining the outcome of the situation or the communication that causes the fear. Meaning, the outcome of the situation, that I am afraid of, will be without my input. 
Yet every time, when I do break through this is not so.  I am the one who co-creates the situation together with all the other elements of the situation, and within that I am the one who accepts or not, outcome. The fear then is a belief in the illusion that I am not the creator of my reality, and this is the only way mind-space can trap me. The 'pressure' I impose of myself as helpless being.  
How I have been able face my fears is through the development of self-trust which is in itself a movement, a physical movement to speak, to act - and to fix one’s focus on the movement, to become the movement. This is what I understand through walking my process, yet the most layered fears, or the secret mind, take me for a ride time and again. I stop all of this ‘standing on the edge’ and I face my fears, I breathe here in self-trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I face my fears I experience a loss of some sort.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that this loss is only the loss of the illusion that I have no creative power as Self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not walk through the situation by writing it out, including the “what if...” - the worst possible outcome, and use what I have written as basis for self-forgiveness - instead I hold back, turn back, and do not face the fear, until there is a such a build up and I finally must face my fear. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that a fear about a particular situation is an indicator for me to extend my self-trust, and that as long as I have fears it is always showing me that I am not equal as Self-trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that re-creating myself is an ongoing, open process, and that is only up to me to address fears as quickly as possible and by training and disciplining myself to respond immediately, I can stop creating more manifested consequence that might be painful for my body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make fears bigger than what they are, because after every fear I have walked through, facing myself, I have remained here. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not immediately address my fears when I realise I have a fear, and by not immediately addressing my fear I create a diversion for myself where I am not aware of other aspects of my pre-programmed existence, because I am ‘preoccupied’ in directing myself ‘away’ from the fear through denial tactics and/or excuses.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create attachments to my fears because I fear myself without fears.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not write out ‘excuses’ I have given myself in the past when holding onto a fear so that I can realise the point of excuses more easily because I recognise the ‘anatomy of an excuse’. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question my responses more, because by questioning I expose the thoughts that I believe to be me. 
I realise that my fears are one of the main entry points into my pre-programmed nature, as the secret mind is lined with fear and is the where the true nature of me resides. 
I commit myself to training myself to respond immediately to fears when I have become aware of them. 
I commit myself to remaining steadfast about questioning my response and all internal dialogs, and through which I can create awareness of what I have allowed and accepted to exist as me. 

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