Saturday, April 28, 2012

Day 12, 2012 No relationship is worth my time or commitment


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to have entered relationships with men because I believed that this ‘looked better in the eyes of society’ and gives me more benefits, rather than being solo.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have picked the men I liked because I feared being dependent and 'liking them too much', and thus I have let men pick me, men that I found acceptable, whereby I agreed to the relationship, not really caring about my partner, because it was a form of ‘entertainment’ - and through that I programmed myself to believe that I could step out of it any time I wanted to.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feared commitment and have, if the topic of commitment surfaced, seen it as grounds to end the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen that the moment my partner would voice a fear that I could not accept, for example if he turned out to be homophobic, I would not only judge him in superiority, but I would instantly lose all interest in continuing the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could only be with a men who had something to offer, in terms of skills or talent, which I believed for me to be inspiration to ‘get better’ within my skills and talents, not realising that I was seeking to compete and needed a worthwhile ‘someone’ I could measure myself against.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have entered relationships with men who I believed to have an ‘open mind’ - similar to mine. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe relationships as waste of my time because I believed that it was more important for me to pursue work, education, or other interests - than to be ‘preoccupied’ with a partner, who would turn out to lack communication skills and be generally annoying. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not seen the possibility of communication within relationships, because I have based this on my experience of when I have supposedly tried to communicate with a partner, which ‘back fired’ into conflict and hyper emotional states. As a result, I have programmed myself with the belief that men do not communicate and that I do not even need to try anymore. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief that relationships are useless because men do not like to communicate, not seeing that I have responsibility to create communication with another. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I commit myself to a relationship I become trapped like my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that as a woman having children - in our current society - is entrapment, and that I must do anything to avoid this situation for myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have understood that relationships the way they function are abusive and detrimental, but have never taken responsibility to change this situation, instead I have sought to exempt myself from it by existing on the fringes, and thus have give myself permission to conduct my relationships within ‘half measures’ never giving 100% of anything - a fact that I kept locked away in my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have trusted myself within relationships. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have entered relationships with women as partners, hoping that this would fulfill me, or give me what men could not give me - only to realise that ‘my problems’ did not go away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have - at one point - decided to stay single for the remainder of my life because I saw no use in relationships, and because I feared intimacy and being ‘hurt’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have - at one point- decided to stay single for the remainder of my life because I believed that working with the light, as light worker, was more important for humanity - which required me to disengage myself from being tied to relationship because I believed that this causes the accumulation of karma and ‘endangered’ my ascension. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have seen that through the belief in ascension I brainwashed myself to believe that relationships are the evil of the world, not realising that it is through relationships we program our 'human nature', and that only through relationships and agreements, we can face ourselves and step out of our preprogrammed reality into nothingness. 
I commit myself to clear all beliefs I have about relationships within my current agreement - as these surface, one-by-one, so that I can learn to take responsibility as equal partner in the creation of a shared life that is best for all.
I commit myself to the release of all fears to which I respond by running away from my partner, and to face myself in self-honesty within the agreement, to walk the process of self-realisaton as Self with another.

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