Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 10, 2012 I expect everything and give nothing


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within expectation in every moment of my physical manifestation on earth. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not realised that the point of expectation is embodied and not just the ‘mental idea’ of something that lies within my future projections, but is as concrete as lifting a cup off the table, and reacting and acting within the expectation that the cup is either full or empty, only to notice that when my expectations are not met, and my assumptions are giving me physical feedback -  that I realise the extend to which I have become the mindconsciousness system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have excused the extend of how I exist within expectation, as being part of human nature, which I have believed to be unchangeable. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that expectation based on the picture I perceive is so ingrained in my physical existence that I will, based on what I expect the picture to be, motivate all my bodily movements not from the starting point of what is 'here' but from the expectation of the picture I see in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that expectations, which I have abstracted and created from the picture-perfect world around me, have been accepted by myself and everyone as experiences; and that these experiences have been valued as understanding and knowing life, when in actual fact these experiences have been the backbone of my participation in cycles of abuse of all life, over eons of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that because I have valued experience beyond life,  I and everyone else have taught others, throughout generations of humans on earth, how to perceive and respond to our perceptions in the world, and thus recreating time and again, cycles of abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that the picture of this world I believe to be real not only motivates all my bodily movements but also all my emotions and feeling states. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have made expectation my starting point of emotions and feelings, which oscillate between good/positive/right and bad/negative/wrong in every ‘thing’ I do and say, thus I have never really done anything or said anything that corresponds to what is real in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that expectation is connected to the fear of survival in every way and that because of me, the mind, wanting to survive I expect everything around me to function, operate, and cater to my self-interest; the self-abusive tunnel vision which inflicts suffering on all life on earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that my expectation, beyond my physical manifestation on earth, permeates and penetrates all my thoughts and future projections, and that when these future expectations become my presence, and they are met and/or not met, I will store them as emotions (disappointment/anger/fear) and feelings (happiness/excitement/specialness) in the memory bank of my mind, which then in turn motivates my opinions and understandings in how I define myself and others in this world. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have seen that 'desires' and 'wants' are a result of my expectations because I operate from lack yet I want to survive, and so I create the cycle of instability coupled and motivated by the fear of survival - but:  instead of giving to myself and all others what is needed to survive, I employ mechanism of competition to entrap myself and others not to see that the most simplistic solution, namely to give to others what we want for ourselves is right in front of our eyes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have realised that to change my personal world, I rely on my expectations, in that I will deceive myself to expect something from someone and by doing so I place the responsibility for my self-change onto others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated by expectations to change my life and while I am expecting others to take responsibility for this change I anticipate a favourable outcome, which makes me complacent and linger in an illusionary mental state - only when the outcome is not in my favour I re-motivate myself in accumulating efforts towards a specific change, while creating emotional charges - rather than seeing the uselessness of expectation and moving myself with ease breath-by-breath until the physical world confirms the completion of the change I am moving towards. 

I realise that to be here as Self I must end all expectation, I must end all experience, and be anew in every moment and every breath, where I move myself from the starting point of what is best for all.
I commit myself to, in a simplistic manner, will myself here and have no expectation about my perceptions of the world, I move my body as if I am moving it for the first time, within total awareness.
I commit myself to creating total awareness in speaking and acting in the world, to become the living word and to all that I will ever teach to others is be the living word.
I commit myself that I will not cease to recreate myself in total self-awareness of what is 'here' and in doing so accumulate my efforts in creating, as a form of implemented global awareness, an economic world system which provides for all that come after me the best condition and prerequisites to create heaven on earth. 

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